On relationships and live music - may the two sometimes meet

I had a conversation with a male friend last week about dating. Well, actually two. They both told me that maybe I should stop looking.

That's when it hit me. I don't really look at all. I just kind of have fun with my rock'n'roll crowd, and if someone attractive, funny, or hopefully both should, um, cross my plate, well, I won't pour ketchup on him or anything, but I'll see where it goes.

Hence the fun with my hell-raisin' friends. But...but...then it hit me. Like I said, I don't look. I know it sounds entitled or maybe naïve, but I really don't like to put that much effort into this - I'd like it to just somehow happen. To me, falling in love should be as natural as breathing or eating or something.

And that's how I end up with the wrong guys. Sure, they're fun. A lot of times, they're also hot. The whole "hanging out with what shows up" thing tends not to produce the desired results.

But then what? Dating sites? Getting set up on blind dates? Both seem contrived to me. Sure, I went on one OkCupid drink date. Physically, he wasn't my type (except for being tall - his profile picture was a total letdown), and he wasn't really into music that much, but he was pretty funny and smart. He told me he felt like he was talking to someone he'd known for 22 years (why that number? who knows).

Of course, I left when he suggested dinner.

It's funny, because a little over ten years ago, I wrote an online column (to which we refer these days as a "blog") called The Serial Kisser, which was - in case it's somehow not obvious - about my dating misadventures. I used to put effort into dating (the column was weekly). I realized how much energy it took to try to meet someone - and this was before dating Web sites were ubiquitious. I wanted it to be about my friends and me (who were less than pleased with me even though I changed their names), but even as I started, I realized I was slightly more, shall we say, active?

After writing the weekly work for awhile, I started to develop a disdain for the whole dating process. I started thinking, what's so special about my dating life? I'd rather give something else light - something that maybe someone needed help with. Until that point, I'd wanted to write about lifestyle, beauty or fashion (I still want to raid the Vogue closet); at that point I realized that maybe my first love, which was music, might be what needed me more. So that's how I started in my music journalism career.

Anyway, getting back to the original point, I could be single forever and probably not care. Being with the right person is great, but I really don't want to half-ass it just to be in a relationship. I've done that already, and it sucks. Being single means that you don't have to consult someone to make a decision or plans. Being single means you don't have to worry about whether someone will like your friends or not.

Being in the right relationship means that most of this is not something to worry about and works itself out in the end.

Oh, as for the other night - there were four great power-pop punk bands, one that almost lead to another Philly trip last night. I ended up at St. Jerome's at 3am after negotiating my new Blackberry, doing - what else? Having a blast with my friends.

Welcome

Ok. I know what you're all thinking - Shar Gorgiiss is a rock 'n' roll party girl - so why all the fitness mumbo-jumbo? Because she does a weekly party at the Skinny? Not quite, my fine-feathered readers.

I could easily say that old cheesy adage "looking good is feeling good".. Instead, I'll impart a true tale from the my earliest party-girl days.

When I was in high school, I because close with a girl (let's call her Missy) I'd known from pre-kindergarten ballet classes. Missy introduced me to nightlife, which basically claimed me as its own when I was in 11th grade.

Anyway, her mom had sustained a car accident-related injury and always wore a neck brace. Her family lived in a dilapidated house. Once they got the settlement for an amount undisclosed to me (which was annoying considering how close I was with them, but anyway), the brace came off, her family fixed the house (including adding an indoor pool), and got luxury cars. They went from having a creepy shanty to the nicest mansion in the area .

Now there was money for trips, clothes, and anything else they needed. Missy had an exquisite wedding a few years later. They had it all except one thing my friend confided in me.

"Her pain will never stop," Missy lamented.

I could list tons of examples like this to further elucidate my point, but I think ya get it. You can have all the riches in the world, but you're nothing without your health. Of course, no amount of proper diet or exercise can prevent a permanent, unforeseen injury (although it may make it easier to heal: I'm a blogger - not a doctor). As for Missy, she's now a mom in Long Island, and we drifted apart shortly after her wedding. One of us had to carry the torch.

Speaking of which, I got a party to run tonight...more on that tomorrow.